How to set boundaries in relationships?

we will learn what they are and why they are necessary for healthy relationships

So much is taught about loving people, giving to people, and going the extra mile in Christian relationships.  But not much is really taught or understood about boundaries. These are also very much a part of the bible and must be implemented to have healthy relationships

Love is not a feeling —- feelings may change and are not always constant. Love is a decision of how you choose to treat people and see people—-    you choose to love people in your actions, thoughts, words, even in your feelings
1. What are Boundaries?
a. something that indicates bounds or limits; a limiting or bounding line.

b. Boundaries in any relationship help each person know what each person is comfortable with and how you would like to be treated by others.
c. Boundaries say a lot about who you are, how you relate with your external world
d. Boundaries are violated by actions, and the gate back in should only be unlocked and opened (click to learn more about the concept of a gate) as a result of actions as well.
e. Boundaries need to exist in relationships for love to be true, genuine, and purely motivated.

2. How to set Boundaries
How you treat people and how people treat you matters. Without this you will have relationships that are unfruitful. There is the saying — when the purpose of anything is misunderstood — abuse is inevitable

A. Before even properly setting boundaries —- you must Know –who you are – and celebrate who you are!!! SO often the issues that may arise are internal and not external.

For Christians —Jesus is our example —
∎ He knew who he was and did not hesitate to declare often —- who he was —- his purpose, his identity, and his boundaries!
∎ He defined who he was only by his relationship with His father—- He didn’t allow anything or anyone tell him who he was (Jesus did not entrust his heart into the hands of men – verse)

Jesus makes his boundaries abundantly clear. In John 2:23-25 –  

The Discerner of Men’s Hearts

23 Now when He was in Jerusalem at the Passover, during the feast, many believed in His name when they saw the signs which He did. 24 But Jesus did not commit Himself to them, because He knew all men, 25 and had no need that anyone should testify of man, for He knew what was in man.

∎ Jesus also understood his purpose — he refused to allow anything or anyone take him off his purpose
  o His encounter with Peter —- telling Peter to get thee behind him
∎ Jesus walked in love always — those he had people around him who were not perfect – he

b. Respect ourselves and respect others — you don’t have to agree or embrace their views — you were created to be different for a reason.
a. Why is this important? Boundaries are not just for others but they are also for us. Healthy relationships have non negotiables — of how we will be treated and how we treat others. —– this is important. Celebrating others does not diminish your voice
c. Never let anyone try to diminish or derail you from your purpose –This was Paul’s admonition to Timothy —

  1. Why do we need Boundaries?
  2. Boundaries are necessary – they help us define how we want to be treated and how we treat others

Boundaries help us not take people for granted and also not being taken for granted Keep yourself in the love of God—–how?

● By guarding your heart — Watch out for negative thoughts — as it relates to people —- jealousy, bitterness, envy, —— don’t let any of these seeds fester and grow in your heart.
● Never entertain any negative thoughts about yourself or God

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